Before I tell my little story, I thought that I would post something about how I emotionally deal with CMT through the four stages of accepting a physical challenge. I think it is important for people to understand where I am coming from as I write each little chapter of my life, for emotions are a part of life and with those emotions it depends on how we face life.
It is said that a person facing physical challenges goes through roughly four stages of grief or whatever you want to call it. I personally call it four stages of accepting of a challenge. Those four stages are shock, denial, anger/depression and adjustment/acceptance. There is absolutely no correct way of moving through the various stages and there no time table either for getting to the end. Each person faces things differently and so that is why there is no time table and no correct way of handling the different stages.
I would have to say that I never went through the shock stage. I would have to say that when I was diagnosed it was more relief than shock that there was something wrong with me. It was a relief to know that what was wrong with me was more than me just going through a phase that I would simply outgrow. To know that there was a real reason as to why I was different, that was the reason for the relief. Maybe my age had something to do with it, but even at 11 years old I knew that I wouldn't be able to change what I could not do. I will go into greater details about the relief in a couple of post when I talk about when I was diagnosed.
I have to say that I was in denial for all of my middle and high school years (which happened to be my teenage years it seems). I just simply wanted to be like the other kids and didn't want to admit anymore that I was different from them.
Now the anger stage is something that I seemed to stay in for some time. I may not have been always been angry all the time, but angry none the less because of the things I couldn't do. I was angry at what I could no longer do. I was angry at my plans falling through or changing. I was angry at time at life in general because I wanted and hoped for so much more than what I had.
For the last decade or so, I have been in the acceptance stage of CMT, and it is simply a part of who and what I am. I find that finding humor in regards to my CMT, not to mention counting my blessings have helped me accept my CMT. Strange I know to say that something that can wreak havoc in one’s life can have some blessings to it, but I have found that there are indeed blessings to having CMT.
I have been blessed with the time with my son while he was growing up. I was blessed with having the free time to make a difference in other people's lives. I was also blessed with an understanding of facing a physical challenge. Those are just a few of the blessings that I have been able to name off the top of my head.
As I said I have a sense of humor in regards to my CMT because if I don't I get so embarrassed because of the looks I get from other people. There are looks of pity, looks of uncertainty, and looks of confusion that I get from other people. With humor it seems as if I can break through that fragile layer of ice that is there that seems to prevent a good solid foundation of a friendship. Once that layer of ice is broken, questions seem to be easier to be asked by them.
I often joke about how I am the official ground tester for my local area. Wondering what exactly is a ground tester is, well simply put it is how I rate how hard or soft a certain part of the ground is. One is given to pretty soft ground surfaces while a ten is given to areas where a person wants to try to avoid falling on if at all possible.
Yes I use humor, yes I have accepted my CMT and yes I have accepted that I have to constantly make adjustments in my life because of the progression of my CMT, but I still get angry at times. The anger is never long lasting for it is only brief anger stemming from being frustrated. Frustrated at the different adjustments that suddenly have to be made because my CMT has progressed faster than I thought.
Another thing that I have learned with my CMT is when pride and determination is a good thing and when those same two things are very bad things. It is not easy to ask for help with something as simple as opening a ketchup packet, but if one doesn't ask for help they could end up with ketchup all over them. A good thing about pride and determination with that ketchup packet would be to learn to carry something to help open them at all times, as I do now. Asking for help is a humbling experience for sure but it sure helps one grow in maturity that is for sure.
Though when facing a physical challenge everyone will face it differently. What I have gone through and how I have faced my challenges, will not be how everyone will face their own challenges which is totally understandable. I have made my choices because of what I have faced and because of what I want for my life, which is most certainly not what everyone else wants in their life and they have of course faced different challenges. This is my choice on how to live my life and everyone must make their own choices. There is no right or wrong way to face a challenge in life.
Hopefully as all of my story is revealed through the month (yep want to stretch it out through the month of September or at least try), maybe all who will read my story will understand more about who I am and why I am the way I am. I thank everyone who has come back for this posting and hope they will all come back in the future for more posts.